Chapter 13: Our Advocate is Born

Here we are in the last few days of 2022! Time really does fly, but at the same time it really doesn't. I've been looking back on events from last winter as if they were only a few months ago, but then I think of events not much earlier than that and they seem years and years old. I'll revise my statement to: time takes its sweet time, but memory blends together. That's been the pattern on the mission. Days and weeks feel looong, but when I look back on them I have no sense of what happened when, giving the illusion that it all flew by. Bottom line: time is weird. Maybe that's all I'm trying to say.

This week started off with exchanges. Elder Creasy stayed in Rancho Peñasquitos with Elder Moulton, our district leader, and I went to Black Mountain with Elder Tausinga, his trainee. It was a pretty new experience being in a companionship where we were both greenies (I'm in my second transfer and Elder Tausinga is in his first), but it was ultimately a refreshing change that helped me push myself. It was also the first time on my mission that I was made the designated driver, and it's been long enough since I've been behind the wheel that it took a lot of adjusting. We survived though! I now know what it's like to drive under the...*ahem*...LOVING supervision of a Tiwi device. Avoiding the little warnings it gives is a bit more challenging than I thought it would be, but I managed to escape with only a couple. Elder Tausinga was a joy to be with that day. He has an enthusiastic all-in mentality, and I learned from him about recognizing spiritual promptings with confidence.

We had a pretty cool moment in one of our lessons where, leading up to the end of the message we were sharing, I began thinking about inviting the family to say gratitude prayers and find a new way to focus on the Savior this Christmas, then soon after I thought about that, as Elder Tausinga talked, he suddenly said "...and I feel inspired to give you guys an invitation" and paused, not having a particular invitation in mind. I stepped in and voiced the one that occurred to me, and we finished off strong. Now, extending invitations and challenges is a pretty standard thing to do in a missionary lesson, but for that particular lesson, we hadn't made any plans beforehand to give one. Initially, I viewed this moment of heightened unity only as a minor coincidence, but afterward, the two of us discussed how if the adversary is indeed present in our lives, disguising divine inspiration in a veil of insignificance must be one of his uttermost concerns.  What seems on the surface a simple event valued only by the whims of our reasoning may instead host a battle between the Source of All Joy and the deceiver. I've continually remained cautious when it comes to declaring what is and is not the Spirit, worried about being overconfident, but that night I asked myself, "What if there is something subtly pushing that caution just a bit too far?"

Other highlights from that transfer included meeting and chatting with a couple friendly people while tracting and setting up a return appointment with one of them. We also had a lesson with an elderly sister (& poet!) in the Black Mountain ward, during which we met her cats Lucy, Murphy, and Otis. The lesson paused many times so we could pull Otis off the counter, and it came to a complete halt at one point when I had to retrieve Lucy from off the top of the fridge to prevent her from knocking Christmas decorations over.  The cat theme of my mission lives on!

Me and Murphy the cat
(to my family: he kind of reminds me of Tux)

Lucy on the fridge

On Friday, we sat down at a park with our friend Perry and enjoyed catching up with him. He's moving to Florida very soon, so his family's been super stressed shipping containers and dealing with sudden flight cancellations. He told us that prayer used to be a big part of his life, and he's noticing now more than ever the absence of that comforting reassurance provided by communion with God. We said a prayer with him there and helped him come up with a plan make it a daily practice. I shared with him that I view prayer as the door to my bed. I can't lay down each night without first "opening the door"--kneeling down and ending my day off alongside God. Likewise, each morning I can't walk away from my bed without passing through that same door. Daily prayer is an anchor, and I'm grateful to have a God who is a master listener. We had the chance to ask Perry if he's interested in meeting with missionaries after moving, and he said yes!

One evening while the sun was setting we noticed a faint haze in the air as we looked over nearby hills. We drove to Brother King's and sat with him on his porch to review the Plan of Salvation, continuing to help him prepare to go through the temple. We talked till past dark, and when we turned back toward the street, we were surprised to discover the entire neighborhood covered in fog! This created a mesmerizing effect with the Christmas lights and street lamps. I wish I got better pictures, but I'll include a couple!

Fog! Where's a mistcloak when you need one?

I hope everyone had a great Christmas! Though the past few weeks in San Diego have been a little chilly, it was a whopping 82 degrees on Christmas Day, apparently making it the warmest in the country! What a surreal winter. The highlight of the day was definitely being able to video call with my entire family visiting together on the other end, but a close second was spending the evening with Bishop Hilton and his family. We've been able to join them for both Thanksgiving and Christmas now, and their rascal-filled home is a prime place to spend the holidays. They also had the Hansen family over from the ward, so there was a lot going on. Right before dinner, we all shared our favorite name of Christ, which was a great way to take the enormous scope of His goodness and personalize it. I chose Advocate with the Father, because He stands in our defense, always asserting that we are worthy of love and opportunities to improve, even when we don't appear to deserve it. Sometimes He has to be our advocate when we ourselves are our own prosecutor. Thank goodness there is someone who will always step into that loving role.

We asked a couple of the Hilton boys what they got for Christmas, and with a slight grimace, they answered "underwear and deodorant". I laughed and told them there will come a day when they'll be overjoyed to receive stuff like that, and candy and cookies will become a source of stress (yes, goodies from the ward have continued to multiply). Good will become bad and bad will become good...in the best possible way 😆. They also received some pretty awesome presents that we loved hearing about, but the kicker in this story is that the Hiltons were super thoughtful and gave Elder Creasy and me presents containing pure gold! Pens, a journal, peppermints, and, you guessed it, deodorant! Hopefully they weren't trying to tell us something with that... They also threw in toothpaste, which had to have been divine inspiration, because I was literally about to run out. We enjoyed finishing the night out with games and a Christmas message.

A mini miracle in the form of toothpaste
(with our compactable 5-foot-tall Christmas tree in the background)

4 out of the 6 Elders in my district playing Kendama at district council

One last thought. It recently occurred to me that while we must be observant where we place our faith, faith is a more sure foundation than reason. I have proven to myself time and time again that I can think myself almost into oblivion, going around in circles, each new circuit more anxious and complex than the last. Faith, though it has no airtight justifying defense, simply is. We have only to look to where it leads and what it creates. There are many unanswered questions we have the right to ask in this life, but when those questions make everything seem dark and warped, we must ask ourselves, "After all is said and done, where does the light shine?" I've seen that light in my family. I've seen it as we've been united in the gospel. I've seen it in living righteously to the best of my ability. What can I say more?

God be with you,

Elder Tolman

Palm tree silhouettes during visits one evening

il.

Chapter 12: Gifts, Edible and Inedible

I'll go ahead and proclaim to all of you an early Merry Christmas! (Better to do it now and add to the hype than next Tuesday to remind everyone that it's over, right?) Enjoy the family traditions and special events that characterize so many of our favorite memories.

Yet another long email for you, so settle into your most comfortable item of furniture.

The ward over here is fantastic, and I've really enjoyed drawing closer to them. Nonmember work, on the other hand, has remained pretty rough, both for the area and the zone. We've been repeatedly trying to reach Susan with no luck thus far, Shawn and Grace postponed our much anticipated final meeting till after Christmas, and tracting has had to become its own reward. We do have a meeting set up with our friend Perry, but he'll be moving at the end of the month, so it'll basically just be to see whether he's interested in getting in contact with other missionaries.

Last week I mentioned that cookie warfare continued among our friends and members. Well it has done nothing more than ESCALATE. I'm telling you, it's a bloodbath. One day, we dropped by a family that presented us both with chocolate advent calendars. Then we visited a really sweet old lady who has had to Zoom in on sacrament meetings since leaving the house is physically demanding. After we chatted with her for a bit and shared a message, she offered us cookies which we, of course, couldn't turn down. What we weren't prepared for was that she had a full plate of them ready for ~each~ of us, and she threw hot chocolate in with that as well. That same evening, we went on a special mission for her to deliver a plate of brownies to Bishop Hilton. She'd told him to drop by and pick them up a couple times, but he kept being too busy, so we took the fight to him. Sister Hilton answered the door, happily accepted the brownies, and retaliated with homemade fudge for both of us. A couple days later we went on exchanges with the zone leaders, and I returned from Scripps Ranch to discover that Elder Creasy and Elder Ulibarri had visited that old lady again and received 2 MORE full plates of cookies. They're all sitting on our counter! Aaah! That's not even counting the 3 other families that have pulled the same trick on us... homemade candy, banana bread, and more cookies. When I look at the increasing mountain of treats, I begin to doubt we can conquer them, but then I remember that through Christ, all things are possible 😆.

(Seriously though, no idea what we're going to do with this much sugar.)

As a part of some of our member lessons, we've enjoyed sharing the prophecy of Christ's birth in 1 Nephi 11. We can find the nativity story not only contained within accounts like Luke, but also in a record that came forth from the Americas detailing prophesies of Christ six hundred years before his birth. This really shows how that event is significant to all times and peoples. Christ's whole ministry and atonement are a part of the gift that He is, but you might call His birth the singular point at which our Father in Heaven truly gifted His Son to us, making Him manifest in the flesh at our side. For this reason, Christmas radiates light.

On Thursday morning, we got to help out with an early morning seminary lesson. The teacher, also a member of our ward, really pulled out all the stops for this one. She set up the chairs like seats on an airplane, arranged the tables like wings, and themed the whole lesson around "flight OT2022", reviewing the last term of Old Testament studies, connecting to "flight NT2023", this upcoming New Testament term. Elder Creasy and I stood at the head of the room as the pilot and copilot with hats and all, delivering a witty script and leading the discussions. Halfway through, the teacher, dressed as a flight attendant, wheeled a cart down the aisle, offering in-flight services of pure life water and fruit snacks. This provided a backdrop to a discussion on feasting on the words of Christ, how "fruits" refer to works, and eternal life (*cough cough* pure life). The lesson drew plenty of other fun parallels, such as how our flight plan is like the plan of salvation, and how the tower directing air traffic is like our "prophet on the watchtower".

Seminary Lesson

We had interviews with President Merritt, and I've just got to say I'm so grateful for his and Sister Merritt's dedication to us. They've both continually offered me helpful insight, and though they have many missionaries to keep track of, I still feel they know me personally. They gave us all little goody bags, and half the zone ate their hot chocolate bombs not realizing what they were. I confess I was halfway though mine before I discovered my ignorance. I just thought "this candy....is not very good. It's literally a chocolate shell with a few marshmallows on the inside." I may not have passed the test, but at least I got 50% credit.

The aforementioned zone leader exchanges happened on Friday. I went with Elder Dixon, and he is awesome. I briefly met him when I first arrived in the mission, and he gave me a strong impression of knowledge, maturity, and dedication to his calling. In spending more time with him, I've confirmed that first impression was very much accurate. What's more, we had some great discussions in which he surprised me by revealing that he had severe insecurities about his knowledge of the gospel when he started his mission, but he turned that around in his personal studies and as he's continually prayed to love his mission. A little ways into our visits in his area, we knocked on the door of a member Elder Dixon had been hoping to set up a lesson with. We waited for a while with no response, and as we walked away, a little disappointed, Brother Birch opened the door! At first, he seemed to me a bit tired and not especially happy to see us, but he and Sister Birch invited us in, and we got a really good conversation going. Eventually, Brother Birch told us about his mission in Peru, and about being a gospel doctrine teacher. He started asking us these deep doctrine questions only to give elaborate scholarly answers. He even brought some astronomy into the mix, telling us about a theory that the star in the sky proclaiming Christ's birth was an extremely rare alignment between Venus and Jupiter over a star that was already there. By the end, he was asking us for our emails so he could send us study materials. Later that night we saw that he sent us 3 documents. The first was 7 pages long, the second was 850 pages long, and the third was 2822 pages long. Guess I'll never get bored during personal study!

On that same exchange, we visited the Stradleirs and had dinner with them. They are the parents of the bishop in that ward (imagine being your parents' bishop 😆) and they're both characters. Sister Stradleir is a jack of all trades and makes shirts, jewelry, and high quality porcelain dolls. We asked how many dolls her kids have broken and she said 4. She's certainly learned a lot about forgiveness and patience. Brother Stradleir has proclaimed himself "Ambassador of Positive Thoughts and Good Cheer" and taken the smiley face as his official symbol. Whenever he has missionaries over, he declares them his deputies and gives them smiley face pins to wear, so that whenever anyone asks about the pins, they can say "I make people happy!" and lead into a discussion about the gospel. Even though I was only visiting for one evening, I was made a deputy as well! I'm looking forward to using his tagline at some point. 

Elder Dixon and I with our pins marking us as
Deputies of Positive Thought and Good Cheer.

We loved hearing from both of them about the awesome things their children are doing. They truly have an incredible family.  Our lesson with them also went really well. We centered it around Christmas and the healing influence of the atonement, and Sister Stradleir shared a wonderful family story with us. She told me I could pass it on to you guys.

Back when their children were pretty young, the Stradleirs struggled financially. Sometimes, it was uncertain when their paychecks would come, and when they did, it wasn't a whole lot. One year, leading up to Christmas, they devoted what money they could to buying toys and stored them in a box in their garage, where they awaited being gifted to the kids on Christmas morning. One day, however, Sister Stradleir came home to discover their garage was wide open, and many of their possessions had been stolen. The box of toys was empty, and her kids were distraught. Pushing forward after this major blow to her family's spirits, she set out to the bank to have her checkbook stamped. Most of this money would be spent on utilities, leaving nowhere near enough to replace what had been lost. However, as she was out running errands, Sister Stradleir looked down at the checkbook to discover that it had been stamped for an extra $500. Shocked, the thought that came to her mind was "Isn't that fortunate!" But, despite how much her family needed this money, she knew the right thing to do was to return to the bank and have the mistake corrected. She arrived to discover that the woman who had stamped her checkbook was under serious heat from her superiors. They had come out $500 short, and had no way of tracing who had received the extra money. Whenever something like this would happen, the fortunate client could easily walk away scot-free. The woman was overwhelmed with relief and gratitude, having been pulled out of a situation that very well could have jeopardized her employment. She offered to take Sister Stradleir out for lunch; a gesture to convey gratitude that, unlike the checkbook, no number could be assigned to. Several days later, Brother Stradleir suddenly received a paycheck for $1000 dollars, allowing them to enjoy far more than they expected that holiday season. "Isn't that fortunate!" Sister Stradleir once again thought. A shining takeaway from this story is of course that the Lord blesses those who have integrity and uplift those around them, but what I felt impressed to affirm in that lesson was this: honesty itself can be a precious gift to those around us.

On Saturday we helped Brother Leavitt in our ward stain the railing on his deck. 

As we worked, I heard his phone go off a few times, and discovered his text tone to be the Star Trek communicator sound, and his ring tone to be the Enterprise intercom sound. All I had to say was "I take it you're a Trekkie?" And we were off, discussing the various Star Trek series. It actually bridged into a complex discussion about God's creation of the universe (for those familiar, the topic changed when Brother Leavitt mentioned he thought the Deep Space 9 prophets' conception of time reminds him of how God sees all things in one eternal round). After we finished on the railing, he showed us his Star Trek tree, where Sister Leavitt had banished his various ship and character ornaments. His original series character ornaments were actually coordinated to light up and talk through the dialogue of one of the episodes, which he demonstrated, so we basically got to watch Star Trek while on the mission. It made me happy seeing Brother Leavitt enthusiastically show off this keen interest of his.

The Star Trek Tree. Spot the Tribble!

Last few notes: an inactive couple made it to church on Sunday! Also, our topic in Sunday school was the law of tithing and someone shared that they once saw an Xbox they wanted on Craigslist, and when he met up with the seller to pay him for it, the seller asked "Do you pay your tithing?" "Yeah." He replied. The seller then said "Ok, you can just have it". We added to our list of blessings that come from paying tithing: "Free Xbox".

During district council on Monday, Elder Tausinga shared something that stuck with me. The idea that we are "instruments in God's hands" is referenced a lot, especially among missionaries, and I always interpreted 'instruments" in a general sense, imagining nondescript tools. But Elder Tausinga used that phrase to refer to musical instruments, and said when someone plays an instrument, it's the music that people actually care about. They could close their eyes to an instrument and just listen, so though the instrument has to be there, it's not what's actually reaching its audience. So it is as God uses us to reach people through His Holy Spirit.

We did an endowment session and initiatories in the San Diego temple this morning! I'm glad to have finally made it after missing last transfer's temple trip while I was out in Imperial Valley. The celestial room blew me away.

God be with you,

Elder Tolman

Me and Elder Horsely after the temple.

Chapter 11: Another Testament

I feel a bit like Bilbo sitting in front of his blank pages, saying "Now, where to begin?"

Ah, yes. *dips quill in ink*

Concerning Service.

A sister in our ward contacted us last week about her nonmember neighbor who needed help putting Christmas lights up. We were initially a little tentative about the opportunity, cause missionaries are programmed with a mandatory phobia of ladders (guess the mission department got tired of all the related injuries). But, it turned out we only really needed a step stool to reach right above the garage and porch, so it worked out. We set that time up for Wednesday, which made for a nice start to the week. It's good to let go of the typical worries associated with proselyting and instead just help people check things off their to-do list. The neighbor was very appreciative and had a goody plate to spring on us. It felt a bit like our cookie trick from last week had been turned back on us (there was a Snape in my mind going, "You dare use my own spells against me?"). As we wrapped up over there, we saw a text that some other members in the ward needed help moving. We were already in service attire right then, so this worked out perfectly. We headed over to their house and helped clear out a closet, close up and load boxes, move furniture, and do a bunch of cleaning. There were these blinds in the kitchen that needed dusting, and I was appalled and horrified to discover that they have a supernatural capacity to hold onto dirt. I probably spent over a half hour just scrubbing them. By the end I had to just shake my head and say I did my best. Yikes though. There was enough to do that we continued to help all the way from afternoon to evening, and several other ward members arrived to help all throughout. We went to a member lesson afterward, and had an engaged discussion about the Restoration, since the sister in that family was a convert to the church and had a similar experience to young Joseph Smith as he was overwhelmed by the tumult of opinion around him. At the end of the lesson, we asked the trademark question, "Is there anything we can do for you?" And they said yes! They needed some furniture moved! This was essentially the equivalent of telling us as missionaries "Guess what? Today's actually your birthday!" We had 3 service opportunities in one day!

We returned to Shawn and Grace's to invite them to our stake's Sunday evening devotional. However, Shawn texted us the following morning and told us not only that they couldn't make it, but that they had decided they weren't interested in having lessons with us. The reasons he gave were centered around doubts about the great apostasy and the Book of Mormon, and he said he'd be happy to meet one last time to discuss these topics. So, at least there's that...*unenthusiastic party horn*. We set that meeting up for this Thursday. It's a tricky situation, cause we know we're going to have to strike a balance between bringing up evidences, and acknowledging that the truth of these things can only be known through the Holy Ghost, and that nothing we say can "prove" to him that the church is true. Since they've already made up their minds, it really is in the hands of the spirit at this point. Although...maybe they'll find themselves interested in meeting with us again to "continue telling us why they're not interested in meeting with us"...who knows?

We had Zone Conference on Thursday, and it was so nice not having to drive all the way from Imperial Valley to the mission office. On that topic though, I got to see a bunch of the Valley missionaries I met last transfer, which was rejuvenating. I caught up with Elder McLean and met his new trainee, Elder Harmer. Sounds like they're having a great time. 

Elder McLean and Elder Harmer

I also learned that Mark started reading the Book of Mormon! That is a huge miracle that I didn't expect this soon, since he was very caught up in reading other books when last I talked with him. Zone Conference, as usual, was a firehose of scriptural insights, introspection, and invitations to improve as missionaries. This one had a special focus on adjustments we're making as a mission for the upcoming year. President Merritt revealed to us that there's actually a 14th Article of Faith. We had no idea! It goes like this:

• "We believe in meetings, all that have been scheduled, all that are now scheduled, and we believe that there will yet be scheduled many great and important meetings. 
• We have endured many meetings and hope to be able to endure all meetings.
• Indeed we may say that if there is a meeting, or anything that resembles a meeting, or anything that we might possibly turn into a meeting, we seek after these things."

This led into a presentation on just how many hours are spent on meetings per transfer, and on the new meeting schedule which significantly cuts back on them so we can spend more time proselyting. We then spent a while talking about how we can make district councils more effective. That turned out to be very conveniently timed for me, cause we had district council the next day, and I was assigned to give the training portion. Kind of funny leading that when I'm technically still in training myself, but it ended up going super well! The main topic was on finding families. I shared my experience of gradually finding Noe's family back in Calexico and invited the others to share their own family-finding stories and what they learned from them. Then the discussion branched out to finding in general, and having joy in the work. We had some great participation, and one of the elders said it was the most mature and spirit-filled district council we've had yet. We ended up in Preach My Gospel, and I gave them a roleplay prompt to help us practice involving our individual friends' families more. I was a little worried that I wouldn't be able to rein in my fellow elders, so afterward, I had this feeling of "Wait, that worked?" I'm grateful for their efforts and for the tender mercies the spirit provides.

On Saturday evening, we helped another ward set up and run their Christmas party, and it was ELABORATE. Outdoor with catering from Phil's Barbecue, a live quartet playing in the background, horses for the youth to ride around the outside of the church building, and a nativity scene at the end. I didn't know anyone from that ward, but it was good to see that the Rancho Bernardo elders had a couple friends they were teaching there. The ward had us elders take a full container of leftover ribs afterward. Quite the steal.

Ribs!

During sacrament meeting on Sunday, Brother Cho in our ward gave an animated talk retelling several stories about Christ. There's so much insight that can be drawn from putting yourself in the shoes of any of the people mentioned around Christ. Asking yourself "What was this person thinking? What were they feeling? What did they learn?" Brother Cho did just that with Jairus, who anxiously asked Christ to heal his daughter in Luke 8, and was told to fear not even after hearing that she had already passed away. Beyond giving Jairus more humanity and personality in his retelling, Brother Cho brought up something I never realized before. The story of the woman with the issue of blood isn't separate from Jairus's. It happens right in the middle of it, as Christ is on his way to Jairus's house, pushing through the crowd. How did Jairus react to this additional delay, when time was already so short? Did he grow more anxious, worrying that the woman's act of faith had cost his daughter's life? Or did witnessing that miracle reassure him that through Christ, his daughter could be made whole? We may face similar cases in our lives where a situation could simultaneously be a cause for fear, and a reassurance. How are we to respond to them? Christ answers that for us. "Fear not, believe only." Another story Brother Cho recounted was that of the woman taken in adultery, which happens to be the same one I used in my farewell talk. It was cool hearing his take on the story, and it reaffirmed to me that different perspectives can give various new insights on simple biblical stories.

On Sunday afternoon we visited 3 referrals we've been trying to reach for the past week, and all 3 answered the door! Only one of them was the actual person we were looking for (as opposed to family members), but we gave the others pass-along cards to *ahem* pass along, and I was glad we could confirm that the addresses were correct and that we made the people aware we're trying to reach them.

Sunday evening was our devotional with Brad Wilcox. Sadly none of our friends made it, which is normally a requirement if we want to be at events like that, but we got to attend anyway since we were a part of the stake choir. A bunch of missionaries from other zones also came to sing What Child Is This and perform other songs with various instruments. I've appreciated how much of a focus on music our devotionals have had. I was a part of 4 songs, and as we sang I realized something more fully than I ever had before: I LOVE choir! The roles the different parts play as they build on and separate from each other, the sudden depth of sound as unison breaks into harmony, the feeling of adding your voice to others, the cases where, for even just a moment, your concerns about your own performance are swallowed up in the power of what you're creating with those around you. Music is such a pure expression of beauty. 

Singing our mission song at the end of Zone Conference

I got to sit right behind Brad Wilcox at one point, and afterward I talked a bit with him and his wife. They told me one of their kids actually has the middle name Tolman! I wish I had time to convey the messages shared in that devotional, but suffice it to say, the spirit was strong, and we were guided on our journey toward God.

President and Sister Wilcox

President Wilcox also spoke for our mission at an extra mini zone conference the next day, and shared some historical background on the tribes of Israel, the meaning behind their gathering today, and the role we believe they'll play in the millennium. He really put our role as members of the church into perspective, and showed us that that role isn't just important, it's exciting! His message additionally helped answer some questions I've been grappling with for the past few months regarding the significance of being part of Christ's church right now when there are plenty of followers of Christ who don't belong to it. In short, we are in a unique time when God's work is largely focused on the responsibilities of the tribes of Ephraim and Manasseh: to build up the temporal and spiritual kingdom of God. As it grows, more responsibilities come into play, but for much of mortal life, we are gatherers of gatherers. The forerunners training to guide the multitudes that will flock to Christ at His second coming, and continue His work of inviting all to come unto Him.

We've continued to be super fortunate in having a whole bunch of meals with members. On one such meal, the Fosters started asking us about our families' Christmas traditions. I, of course, had to bring up that my family gathers together to watch Ben-Hur, and they mentioned they had seen it quite a while ago. I told them about how my grandpa partially gained his testimony of Christ from that movie, that we watch it in his honor, and about the pre-show speeches he would always give. "I never would have associated that movie with Christmas" was what brother Foster had to say about that, and my companion chimed in "Isn't that the chariot movie?" (heh, rookie mistake). This led me to launch into a mini presentation on how the essence of the story was the journey of a man pursuing vengeance and then learning to let it go as he witnessed Christ's forgiveness. So many people miss the subtitle of Ben-Hur. "A Tale of the Christ". In that moment I was reminded of how many people, those who don't believe we are Christian, also miss the subtitle of the Book of Mormon. "Another Testament of Jesus Christ". When Christ is taken out of the vessels that convey Him, so much is lost.

At the same time, isn't it incredible that we have another testament of Him? A strong evidence from an additional people that Christ's work is a global work, being orchestrated through all ages of time. Jacob 4:4 reads "For, for this intent have we written these things, that they may know that we knew of Christ, and we had a hope of his glory many hundred years before his coming; and not only we ourselves had a hope of his glory, but also all the holy prophets which were before us." Christianity is infinitely more than simply reading the Bible and building a religion off of it, as some are led to believe. Its Truth is living, and His presence is eternal.

God be with you,

Elder Tolman

Chapter 10: Armed with Cookies

A radiant sunset from outside our stake center.

Hello! Hope everyone's enjoying the holiday season kicking into high gear. It's definitely characterized a lot of work we've been doing here, talking with members about their Christmas plans and passing out invites to Christmas events. At the start of the week, the relief society provided us with a whole bunch of cookie plates that we could pass out to whoever we wanted. It gives one a strange feeling of power, having a car full of goodies to unleash upon unsuspecting innocents. It's also quite the trump card when paying someone a visit. "Oh yeah?? You DON'T want to hear a message? Well guess what?! Here are some treats ANYWAY! Be GLAD you answered the door!"

One of the first targets for our edible ammunition was Susan. She's been a friend of the ward for a while and we've stopped by a couple times to chat with her. She has some relatives in the church and has seen second-hand the blessings that come from the gospel, so she's very interested in learning more about us and finding new ways to draw closer to God. Unfortunately both of the lessons we've tried to schedule with her so far have fallen through, but we're really looking forward to hearing more about her beliefs and discussing all that God has done for us. It's funny: can we schedule a 30-minute lesson and actually pull it off? Nope. Can we "stop by real quick" to drop off cookies and then get invited in and spontaneously chat for 30 minutes about her history with religion and how she brings God into her daily life? Absolutely. She has so much divine potential! She was telling us about how she tries to use her knowledge of Christ to be more forgiving.

Two of the others on our sugary hit list were Shawn and Grace, a young nonmember couple who hadn't been taught in a good month. We went to their apartment to gauge their interest in lessons and invite them to our ward Christmas party. When we knocked, at first the only response came from an enormous dog on the other side. After a full minute of us listening to the dog scratch and sniff at the door (surely seeking blood, I dare say), Grace barely cracked the door open, holding the beast at bay. We talked a bit with her, she accepted the cookies appreciatively, and she said she'd ask her husband about potentially setting up a meeting with us once he got home from work. No sooner did she say this than I saw a guy in a suit with a bag over his shoulder and stuff in his arms walking toward the staircase beneath us. "Once he gets home from work, you say?" Our conversation with Grace had ended, and we were heading away from the door when, sure enough, we ran into Shawn on the stairs! He's been pretty overrun by work (his hours are crazy), but he told us he was actually planning on calling us in the next few days. We learned that he and Grace would be busy during the ward party, but we told him about a Christmas devotional we'll be having at our stake center next weekend (with Brad Wilcox, I might add) and worked out returning to give them a flyer for that. High hopes that that tender mercy will lead to more discussions with them.

Elder Creasy got hit with a fever in the middle of the week, so I had my first sick day as a missionary, though thankfully I felt fine. But, being stuck in the apartment was definitely discouraging, especially since I'm REALLY wishing we can build some momentum in this area. To add to that, it's just the two of us in this apartment, and he passed out for a solid 3 hours, so I was alone with my thoughts for that time, listening to the rushing of the freeway right beside our complex. Pretty surreal experience as a missionary. However, it actually turned out to be an enormous blessing, cause I got to spend the whole time reading the Book of Mormon! And to think I've been constantly yearning for a chance to just sit down and read to my heart's content. God said to me, "Oh you've been wishing for some extra personal study time? weLL hERe YOu gO!" It's like the apostles hoping for fish and then suddenly receiving more than their boats could carry. And from that experience: the last several chapters of 2 Nephi  Blow. My. Mind. With each new readthrough of the Book of Mormon, I find myself saying "Wait, it openly prophesies about this thing??" The translation of the plates, the 3 witnesses, the sealed portion of the plates containing all things from the beginning of time, it just goes on and on. I found myself literally highlighting entire chapters (which kinda defeats the purpose of highlighting, but they were relevant to what I've been focusing on in this readthrough). And, what's more, when Nephi wrote all that, he was holding back!

Saturday evening was the ward Christmas party, which was a blast. Those who worked on decorating did a fantastic job, stringing lights overhead and putting the various names of Christ across the walls and in the table centerpieces. We were there early to help with final preparations, and another companionship from our zone randomly showed up, thinking their ward was holding an event there XD. Once they cleared up the confusion, they decided to just join us for setup and the first half of the event. Then, in the second half, another companionship waltzed into the gym, and the ward insisted that they join in too. The party was well attended by elders that evening. Speaking of elders, toward the end, the primary kids were called up to the front for caroling games, and 12 members of the elders quorum in the ward were abducted to dress up as and accordingly act out the 12 days of Christmas. Their commitment was admirable (especially Brother Andrew as our leaping lord), and the primary was delighted. We also had a couple storytellers there and the adults grew just as invested as the kids.

Elder Bell and I at the ward Christmas party

The 12 days of elders quorum

A most deadly temptation was provided for dessert on that fateful night. An eternal weakness of mine. Cheesecake! As we were filling water pitchers beforehand, I glanced through a doorway to discover a whole just room filled with cheesecake! I had and ENJOYED my allotted slice after the dinner, and I exercised superhuman willpower in telling myself "No more. Even if there are extras, you've had quite enough." This was going quite well, right up until ward members targeted me with siren calls of "Elder, there's so much extra cheesecake. Have some more! Take some home!" My defenses were breached, but only slightly. I did take a slice home. I thought I had escaped relatively unscathed, but then the following evening, we were about to head out from a member lesson when Sister Linnell said "Do you guys have time for dessert?" And brought out...cheesecake leftovers from the night before. Health was never an option :).

The legion of cheesecake slices

We spent a good portion of the Christmas party with Brother King, a recent convert who I've had one lesson with so far, and who is working toward going through the temple! We've admired his dedication to keeping commitments. We gave him an invitation earlier this week to help with his progress, and on Saturday when we only planned on giving him a reminder about it, he told us he had already followed through, and that it was so much easier than he thought it would be! He's told us some pretty crazy stories, mostly involving injuries he's received. Apparently he's broken over 40 bones over the course of his life, and he's still recovering from a broken femur earlier this year! He even showed us some x-rays.

On Sunday we sat in an absolutely incredible church lesson during second hour. It felt like it was addressing me directly. We discussed the difficulties of waiting for answers to prayers, and read 3 different scripture accounts of prophets expressing worry and doubt to the Lord, in Habakkuk, Mark, and Doctrine and Covenants. 

"O Lord, how long shall I cry, and thou wilt not hear! even cry out unto thee of violence, and thou wilt not save!" (Habakkuk 1:2)

"And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?" (Mark 4:38)

"O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place? How long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, yea thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and of thy servants, and thine ear be penetrated with their cries?" (D&C 121:1-2)

In a way, it's comforting to know that even prophets, those who have the closest thing to a perfect knowledge of God here in mortal life, faced and struggled with times when the Heavens seemed closed off and God seemed silent. It assures me that this is a part of our mortal experience, and doesn't necessarily occur because of some fault of my own. In the lesson, we reached a powerful turning point where we read about the answers each of those 3 prophets received. 

"And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry." (Habakkuk 2:2-3)

"And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?" (Mark 4:39-40)

"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." (D&C 121:7-8)

A discussion later in the lesson also yielded a cool new perspective on Moses 1:39 with regard to temple work. Our eternal progress is God's glory. Thus, the very act of becoming more like Him is, in fact, the same as glorifying Him. In other words, each step we take toward Him adds to His glory (infinity plus 1, if you will). Some of the most definitive steps we can take toward Him are making covenants with Him through the saving ordinances He established. Each time we assist in giving our departed brothers and sisters the opportunity to covenant with God, we are directly bringing glory, which you might also call holiness, to Him. Isn't it therefore fitting that we inscribe on the outside of His temples "Holiness to the Lord"? That is precisely what is happening inside.

We got to watch a good portion of the Christmas Devotional on Sunday evening, and we were excited to see that Ricardo Giménez, the former mission president of the San Diego California mission, gave the opening prayer! I never met him, but I hear a lot about him from the other missionaries (they like to mimic his accent in an endearing way, so it was funny hearing what he actually sounds like). Also, as usual, I loved spotting my mother and aunt in the choir! Thank you both for the music you share and the spirit you invite!

On the topic of choir, we joined our stake choir for an upcoming Christmas performance. They're already a ways into rehearsals, so we barely knew what we were doing, but it was good to be there anyway! "Sing Alleluia, Christ is Born" by John Purifoy is such a beautiful song, and it just make me want to, well, sing alleluia! Circularly.

God be with you,

Elder Tolman

Frozen yogurt with 2 other companionships
(they collapsed our table's umbrella around us...
I wish I had a picture of what that looked like from the outside)