Chapter 55: TWICE THE POWER

Ideas are hard to have. *Actually, they’re easy to have when they are completely unnecessary, but hard to have when someone is relying on you to have them. I’m leading off with this to say it’s been a week of putting my brain through an oil press to squeeze out suitable creativity for the work I’ve been doing in my assignments. I hope you on the other hand have made it through the week with an intact thinking apparatus!

No major narratives this week. Aside from pushing through some personal anxiety as I served, the most dramatic twist in the week was taking my bike in for a tune up to make the back tire stop singing opera, only for it to break out into song again the very next day. Betrayal! Still, it’s a lot more quiet and infrequent. Maybe the bike shop negotiated with it by just asking it to sing a softer piece.

We got a couple new missionaries in our half of the zone in recent weeks! Elder Jensen and Sister Davis both transferred from teaching, and they bring a lot to the zone. At the same time, we’ve also lost / are losing quite a few people :(. A couple to the end of their missions, and a few to the difficulties of serving a mission. We’ve been gearing up to make our study companions a more significant part of our missions, and now all of the sudden I’m without one. *cue tragic music* The zone will be a little smaller for a bit, but with another school year wrapping up, hopefully we’ll have more of an influx soon.

I’ve begun training ordinance workers in the temple! A trainer in training, I have become. Things have gotten crazy in the temple with how many new workers we're bringing in to replace everyone we're losing when the Taylorsville temple opens. We've never been in a position where we've had to come up with several hundred new workers in such a short time, but the response to our call for aid has been miraculous. Almost all of the shifts have everyone they need (Saturday midday is a hard one to fill, so we have a little ways to go there), and we're training more people at once than ever before, unless things were like this when the Oquirrh Mountain Temple first opened.

Thankfully, our ratio of trainers to trainees remains reasonable, but I've heard some wild reports of how many workers other shifts are trying to train in one day. At first it was a bit nerve racking being responsible for another person's performance as they administer saving ordinances, but our apprentices are doing fantastic. My counterpart trainer had his last shift in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple this past Saturday, so I'll be flying solo this upcoming week. Hopefully nothing blows up!

An Elder in our zone is finishing his mission soon (one of the aforementioned casualties), so he hosted a farewell game night this past weekend that I carved out some time to join in on. We saw a former member of our zone there who completed his mission a few weeks ago! I decided to forgo hosting our typical zone game night which would normally happen the following evening, but then I jumped aboard /another/ game night, this one hosted by a GSD missionary. "Hmm, I’ll cancel this activity. That way I’ll have time for...the exact same activity!"

President and Sister Kotter held a service missionary devotional at the mission office on Sunday evening. For the first time we had all the service missionaries in the mission gathered together in the same room, along with our parents, and we were LEGION. This surprised the Kotters a little XD. I was asked to conduct the meeting, and it was a profound perspective looking out over all my fellow missionaries and their families from the stand. The remarks that evening were centered around three items the Kotters gave to each of us at the end:

1. Ministerial Certificates

These are small cards given to missionaries as something of a "ministering license", affirming that we are in full faith and fellowship with the church and that we have authority to do what we do. I think they are primarily needed in places with strict laws about proselytizing, or to enter places with restricted access. Up until recently, they weren't a thing for service missionaries, but no longer!

We were given a specialized service ministerial certificate (largely the same as the teaching ones with a couple changes in wording) and Sister Kotter took some time to speak on their significance. The discussion was similar to others I've been a part of about the missionary tag, emphasizing that we bear two names on our chests: Christ's and our own. The certificate is similar, but it includes an additional name: the president of the church. It reminds us that we stand right alongside President Russell M Nelson and other servants of God in our joint purpose of bringing others to Christ.

Sister Kotter also gave me a slightly new perspective about our own name's role in our calling. On the tag in particular, only our surname is printed. Christ is not the only one we represent in what we do. We also represent our families.

2. The Living Christ

We received small booklets with a different paragraph of The Living Christ on each page, accompanied by artwork of the Savior. The Kotters focused on the document in a training a couple zone conferences ago and they wanted to provide a tool to help us keep it at the forefront of our minds. They affirmed that the truths therein have sustained them through the entirety of their mission here in South Salt Lake

3. Preach My Gospel

We all got our own physical copies of the second edition of Preach My Gospel!! When I heard that news, I was briefly translated. Those have been a little hard to come by, and accessing PMG through Gospel Library isn't my favorite. We discussed the promised blessings of using Preach My Gospel and expounded on how the new subtitle is "A Guide to Sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ" instead of "A Guide to Missionary Service", making it clear that it’s a tool for all members of the church.

Back to the ministerial certificates though; since I got one for my teaching assignment prior to entering the MTC, and I just got another for my service assignment, considering the first hasn’t expired, that gives me TWICE THE POWER. Not actually, but I think it's hilarious to imagine so. Double the certification! Someone can walk up and challenge my authority only to be confronted by a dose of officialness in the form of a little card. Then, when they grab that and tear it in half, thinking they've bested me, I'll just pull out another one! AHA!

The remaining events that come to mind are typical Friday shenanigans while proselytizing around the area, and some good conversations in the mix while contacting people around Oquirrh Lake and on the street. Wahoo.

I've been thinking recently about the concept of being still. The story of Christ rebuking the storm makes me associate this phrase with peace--the promise that I will be comforted in my storms. Yet, if we're using this as a map through the pain of life, though we learn of Christ's absolute power, what seems most relevant is the question Christ poses to His disciples. "Where is your faith?" I read that as, "Discovering that I am able to remove your trials is not the only lesson you could have learned here." Faith in Christ means trials do not have the same sway over us. His comforting influence can have a hand in this, but what I'm coming to understand is that peace is not always what He offers.

To “be still” in the face of trials is not to feel the emotion of peace, but to realize that no matter how agonizing your experience is, emotional or physical, it cannot shake your foundation. And as that realization is confirmed again and again through experience, you start to notice that the noise of the tribulation, though it certainly remains present, doesn't enthrall you like it once did. You find yourself able to listen to other sounds, much sweeter than the blaring ones you’ve been trying so hard to stifle. And soon enough, what once filled your headspace is nothing more than white noise to you. Those subtler tones reveal they have far, far more to offer in depth than in volume.

I believe this is a part of the power of fasting. Taking one of our most basic instincts--the drive to eat and sustain ourselves, letting it sound loudly within us, and not heeding it. Your body cries, "We need to eat! We can't function like this!" And you reply, "We will soon enough, but we have things to do in the meantime." You reach a point where, though you are objectively hungry, the instinctual voice quiets, and you might notice things you hadn't when you were so fixed on your instincts.

I think there's a reason Alma the Younger and others cite fasting combined with prayer as the source of their incredible capacity to receive revelation. They each did work, hard work, to train themselves to listen. The principle is applicable elsewhere: in being meek in the midst of pride, in being chaste in the midst of desire, and in being still in the midst of fear--for us, that last one often means learning to experience anxiety instead of quickly attempting to numb ourselves of it. I'm practicing, and I've got a long way to go, but I suspect I'll come to know that hearing a still small voice requires not only a quiet space, but a listener who can endure a loud one. This refining endurance is made possible through Jesus Christ, whose hope permeates all noises.

God be with you,

Elder Tolman

A completely normal handshake.

A day where a bunch of us chose the M&M Steve Harvey on the "Which Steve Harvey are you today?" board (we had eaten a lot of sugar). It ain't often we pick the same one.

Elder and Sister Alston (my current SMLs) after the service missionary devotional

Elder and Sister Lindsey (my former SMLs)

The missionary equivalent of a double bladed lightsaber. (Kidding!)

Service missionary devotional

The inscription “Holiness to the Lord - The House of the Lord” is so striking and powerful to me.

Chapter 54: 18 Months + A Mighty Victory

From Holy Week to General Conference to other adventures you may have gone on, I hope you’ve had an excellent past few weeks! Capitalizing on Easter in particular, as my understanding of Christ’s life and mission grows, that time of year becomes more and more meaningful to me. I’m gradually working to follow Elder Gary E Stevenson’s invitation from last year—to give Easter the same reverence and excitement we give Christmas.

On that earnest note, I’d like to add that I’m positively QUIVERING right now. From whence hath this elder of the church reason to quiver? I’ve been waiting for a decent block of time to recount recent events for you, and due to **BUSY**, that block of time was the stuff of mere fantasy…for 3 weeks. Actually, I technically found it last Sunday, but then I discovered that reading was a thing (to my surprise), and theology/history articles evaporated all available time. Remember that Star Trek: the Next Generation episode where they discover anti-time (akin to antimatter)? Well that stuff is real. Point being, I’m currently writing this on the train to Temple Square with .0001 stops remaining, and the rest of this will be penned via wrestling for free moments throughout the day.

*Actually, make that throughout the week. Hi! This is Elder Tolman going back and editing this a week later. :P*

I most definitely do not know how exactly to measure how long I’ve been serving (From my set apart date? MTC date? First day in the field? A cryptic astrological alignment?), BUT, based on my release date, I've passed my 18 month mark! Like 3 weeks ago XD. This means I’ve now been offering service about as long as I’ve been teaching! Transferring definitely messes with your perception of time.

Delving a bit into the past few weeks, Thursday—3 weeks ago XD—was a big day for several reasons! Firstly, most mornings, I have the chance to recite the service missionary purpose alongside other missionaries. It goes,

“Our purpose is to help others come unto Christ by serving them as the Savior would. We serve voluntarily in charitable organizations, Church functions, and within the community. We will minister in His name to the one, just as He did, expressing His loving kindness.”

I joined the GSD missionaries in the purpose that morning as normal, but by district council in the evening, it had changed!

"[Our purpose is to] help others come unto Christ by serving with loving kindness as the Savior would. [We] minister in His name to the one through the power of the Holy Ghost and live as an example of faith in Jesus Christ, repentance, covenant keeping with God, and enduring to the end."

I’m a firm advocate of this updated purpose and I’m grateful to the missionary department for the inspiration they received and relayed. Both purposes maintain an emphasis on Christlike service and love, but rather than articulating the particular venues of service, the new one focuses on discipleship. This helps missionaries realize that their calling is not limited to their service sites. It also confirms the truth of something I’ve been discussing with fellow missionaries; a mission is not directly about the work you accomplish, it is about your relationship with God as HE, through various means, accomplishes His work. Because building that relationship requires taking part in the work, this distinction can be subtle at times, but the mindset is entirely different. This is an oft parroted phrase, but, your most important convert on the mission is you. We discussed in zone conference last week how you cannot beckon for someone to approach somewhere where you are not already standing.

It’s presentation season again! Over the past few weeks there have been several opportunities to subject poor, innocent audiences to the whims of my words.

First of all, at the Global Services Department, we hold devotionals every Thursday, and I got to lead the one just before Easter! The topic I was assigned was but a small one. Only, you know…The Atoning Power of Jesus Christ. No pressure, right??? It took a lot of study and decision making to narrow this literally infinite topic down to 45 minutes, but in the end, I focused on how it is not the event of Christ’s atonement that has power in our lives, per se. Rather, the enabling power of the atonement enables Christ, and the enabling power of Christ enables us. We discussed how His sacrifice perfected His ability to succor us in our affliction and judge us in our imperfection. 2 key points were:

• Christ combines our subjective experience with objective truth without minimizing either side.
• When you bring your sins and failures before God and are suffering from shame and frustration, bear in mind that He has known the exact same shame you feel, as though He had made all the same mistakes you did.

I’ve led gospel study meetings at the GSD a couple times of late, and, ummmmm let’s gloss over those, cause there’s already too much content in this email. But they were good! Well, the first one was good and the second one was enthusiastically okay.

A couple Sundays ago we had service MLC with President and Sister Kotter. This fated council initiated what I will confidently refer to as a mighty victory! The South Jordan Oquirrh zone has been piloting our new service goal setting program (functionally key indicators) for the past several weeks, and with some preliminary data successfully collected, we’re expanding the program to the entire mission! MLC was the venue for informing all the other zone leaders and sister training leaders about the program and getting their reaction.

I expected to have to confine my presentation to only a portion of the meeting so other missionary leaders could give trainings. Nope. We opened the meeting, had an introductory discussion, and then President Kotter turned the floor over to me for almost the entire meeting XD. It was…more of a spotlight than I was expecting. But hey, extra time! What’s more, the program got an enthusiastic response from the other missionaries! For this past zone conference, they each used their breakout rooms to train their zones on the program, so it’s officially in the hands of the mission as a whole. I can’t wait to see how it evolves as everyone practices it and adapts it to their needs. Success!

Speaking of zone conference, that was ANOTHER recent presentation I gave—and, thankfully, the last I shall be mentioning here. Elder Hanson and I initiated a debrief of the our experience with the goal program thus far, and then we gave a slightly fiery training on communication and obedience. Thus far we’ve tended to err on the side of comfort-focused messages, but this one was a little more of a hustle (hopefully with love shining through). Active communication is SO important, especially when it comes to having a unified zone. It’s crazy just how hard it is to get a group of people to reply to you, let alone participate in something.

Joining the teaching elders on Fridays has featured mostly door knocking and an unfortunate quantity of cancelled lessons. We’ve got some promising people though. On the topic of door knocking, I’ve got a fun detail. Fun, pretty much exclusively for me XD. I came across 2 Sure-Loc hardware doorknobs! That’s the hardware warehouse I used to work at. I spent one afternoon training Elder Siddoway and Elder Chatterley (who just transferred in) on hardware finishes, and the sheer uselessness of the information is gloriously entertaining. Anyways, that brings my “familiar hardware count” up to 3.

On a slightly more interesting note, I’ve been at a crossroads when it comes to career choice, and a lot of helpful conversations have been popping up about that. We tracted into a former church member who was a software engineer and had a great conversation with her. Soon after that, we had someone join us for a visit, and I talked with him about the communications field. I feel like I’m benefiting more from this calling than the people around me are XD. Other highlights from my Fridays include:

• We visited a prospective service missionary and I got to help give him an idea of what to expect.
• We went knocking doors around not only my own neighborhood, but my own WARD. It was wild. I pointed at my family’s house and managed to briefly convince the Elders that an aggressively inactive family lived there.
• Flat bike tires are the kryptonite of productivity.
• Cold. (But not anymore!)
• The Spanish elders moved out of the 4-man apartment, so Elder Siddoway and Elder Chatterley turned their room into a fort.
• The three of us happened to pick matching ties one day!

Communications projects fill my time at the Global Services Department, and though the details aren’t interesting enough to delve into, I’ve been enjoying it! I want to find time to start doing missionary IT work again, but that’s looking unlikely at this rate. We shall see. Three highlights for this service site:

• Emily, the main employee Elder Lee and I serve, has taken it upon herself to give us IN-DEPTH training on communications. Like, she’s been creating presentations and blocking out time to train us in various areas, AND we’ve been able to interview a couple people in prominent comms positions. We're super grateful for her!
• For one of our Thursday devotionals, we heard from Brother Tad R. Callister and his wife! They gave a message focusing on how the Book of Mormon enriches our understanding of Jesus Christ, and how Christ overcame obstacles to our salvation with His sacrifice. At the time, I had developed a question about the atonement in my recent studies, so it was cool to have the opportunity to step up to him afterward and talk with him about it.
• I got to write a brief article for the GSD's weekly announcement page! We include spiritual thoughts there every couple weeks, and I signed on to provide one. Though the communication I help with is internal to the department, we do have employees all around the globe, so if I REALLY want to brag, I can technically say I've had a worldwide reach! XD I'll throw a copy of it at the end for if your eyes are somehow still intact after finishing the email.

And now I come to the topic of General Conference! Wow. That might be all I need to say. Beyond being transfixed by some very well formulated talks (which I'll refrain from attempting to debrief), I found what struck me the most were the promptings that came to me as I listened; action items that were only tangential to the topic at hand. Being uplifted and reassured by these messages is good, but leaving conference with a game plan is crucial.

One other thing about conference: the focus on temples, and, notably, the temple garment, caught my attention. That just happened to be the exact topic of the zone conference we had just had! The conferences have teamed up! And both worked together to leave a strong impression on me.

This past week, Elder Lee and I had lunch with the GSD HR team in the church office building. On our way in, we passed by a nondescript car, and a moment later, one of the team members said, "...that was Elder Cook...". We flipped out in a dignified manner, and then proceeded inside. The table we selected in the cafeteria was situated right next to the hallway leading out from the underground parking garage, so our backdrop was filled by people walking to and fro. Then, who waltzes into that backdrop, but Elder Patrick Kearon! Over the course of the next 15 minutes, he was followed by Elder Rasband, Elder Gong, Elder Soares, Elder Christofferson (who waved at us!), and Elder Stevenson. Half the quorum, just moseying on by! Others apparently also saw Elder Renlund and Elder Soares. So that was epic! To add to that, as we were heading over to the church office building, Emily and I were remarking that we had never seen a member of the quorum of the twelve there before, as people sometimes report. I guess God heard us and sent the apostles on a special mission XD.

Last thing, and then I'll put an end to this madness. I've been looking for more creative ways to serve beyond my assignments (partially to bring this service goal program to its full potential), and I noticed a lot of litter between the West Office Building and Trax station. So, one morning I brought a trash bag with me and picked up what I could as I walked. Another missionary even joined me! We arrived for morning devotional, and the topic just happened to be taking care of the Earth God gave us.

Thanks for reading!

God be with you,

Elder Tolman

Copy of GSD Article: "When the Heavens Seem Closed"

Lunch at the Church Office Building. We spent the 45 minutes there taking pair after pair of childhood movies / TV shows and voting on which one would win. A positively heart-wrenching activity.

Lunch the next day, where the activity escalated to grabbing lunch to-go, taking it back to the West Office Building, and setting up a movie tournament diagram on someone’s computer to see which one would come out on top. We did a DreamWorks theme this time, and Kung-Fu Panda was the winner (it’s a good one, but I still wish Prince of Egypt prevailed).

Some fine additions to my bulb light photo collection.

 “””My own door hardware”””

A precariously taken selfie with a pair of T-posing elders. We're very proud of it (and the other 50,000 we took).

Matching ties. A miracle, to be sure.

GSD missionary devotional with Brother and Sister Callister

Bubbles provided by Elder Castleton