Chapter 7: Some Suspiciously Convenient Music

Happy Tuesday! It's been a pretty weird week with some big events and not a whole lot in between.

On Thursday we had a Zone Conference Tour with Elder Gary B Sabin of the Quorum of the Seventy. Half the mission was there that day, and the other half met the previous day. That was all the way over in San Diego, and it lasted a solid 6 hours. Combine that with mingling and a 2-hour car ride there and back, and those of us from Imperial Valley basically had to give up the day. 

Wind turbines and the moon on the drive to San Diego.

It was kind of funny spending so long talking about missionary work without actually doing missionary work. Nonetheless, the doctrine shared there was powerful and the spirit was present.

Our zone with President and Sister Merritt and Elder and Sister Sabin.

I even had a small personal breakthrough because I spent the first portion of the conference very distracted by some intense personal worries, but I came to the realization that we are instructed by Christ to "doubt not, fear not", and that we are justified in following that counsel because of His atonement and the promises he has given us. So choosing not to focus on our fears becomes a sacrifice we need to make. It doesn't take away the anxiety, but it does help us let go of the feeling that we need to focus on them. That even came up during the conference. Elder Sabin affirmed that the scriptures don't say following Jesus Christ merely gives you a better chance. It gives you an irrevocable promise. "[Christ is] a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall." (Helaman 5:12). Among many other things, Elder Sabin also relayed to us the simple, beautiful essence of the Plan of Salvation and the celestial steps we take to return to our Father in Heaven. I'll avoid dumping my whole study journal into this email, but here's one more epiphany I had: "Perfection cannot be obtained through perfectionism. Furthermore, it is okay to have joy when you are imperfect." I hope to learn how to live that truth, especially while still maintaining high standards.

Waiting in line for lunch.

I got to give the closing prayer at the end of the conference, which was a special experience, especially after getting a thank you from Elder Sabin. Last Thursday note: I may or may not have spent the full 2 hours on the way home discussing Brandon Sanderson books with Elder Larson, a member of my zone. It's always a joy finding another dedicated fan, cause there's almost as much to talk about with that book series as there is with the whole gospel (kidding!).

On Sunday evening we held a devotional at the Stake Center in El Centro, where President Merritt and 3 recent converts shared their testimonies, and we had a musical number between each testimony. As a missionary choir, we performed All Creation Speaks His Name (an absolutely beautiful song) and a special arrangement of We'll Bring The World His Truth, both of which we've been practicing all transfer. A smaller group of missionaries also performed Peace in Christ in Spanish, and 3 talented missionaries came from another zone to join us with guitar, cello, and violin. The guitarist and cellist actually sang together before the mission, and they blew us all away.

Singing All Creation Speaks His Name for the other zones.

The devotional was a great success, though I was a little discouraged to see that we barely managed to fill the chapel even after personally inviting every single inactive member in the Valley in addition to nonmember friends and ward members. Want to hear a crazy coincidence though? Earlier that week I was listening to a recording of Music and the Spoken Word to help me get going in the morning, and as I did so it struck me how much I loved the testimony of the hymn I Know That My Redeemer Lives. I had also independently developed a new appreciation for I Stand All Amazed, and I kept both of these hymns in my heart for the next couple days. Now, fast forward to Sunday. Guess what the opening hymn to the devotional was? I Stand All Amazed! Guess what the closing hymn was? I Know That My Redeemer Lives! And, as Sister Merritt introduced All Creation Speaks His Name, she shared Alma 30:44, which happens to be one of my favorite verses, and the one I chose for my missionary plaque. Though we didn't have numberless concourses of attendees, the devotional held a lot of personal significance.

That Sunday as a whole was bittersweet. The sister missionaries were teaching a guy named Angel, and he had come to 2 sacrament meetings before, but reportedly decided that he was unimpressed, and didn't turn up this last time. Our friend Mark, who we met at the library the week before, also didn't turn up and hasn't been responding to our messages since our last meeting Wednesday. I'm especially sad that he missed the devotional. Fingers crossed that we'll be able to check in with him soon.

We had another great lesson with our friend Lalo! He told us a lot about his past, the improvements he's made in his life, and the worries he has moving forward. We've had such amazing discussions about repentance and overcoming temptation with him, and during this last one the scripture Alma 13:28 came to mind from my studies, so we read it together (first in Spanish, then in English). The truth contained therein was just what we needed at that point, and I got a strong sense that he believed it was true. Our testimony that the gospel brings families together also felt so relevant to his needs. We asked him what he wanted to learn about next, and he decided on the Plan of Salvation, so we're looking forward to teaching him about that this Thursday! As an aside, he has a little kitten named Princess, and during the lesson she tried to climb onto my lap, then hopped on the table and began nuzzling up against each of us. Whenever one of us stopped giving her attention, she would charge at the next person, going around in a triangle. Lalo had to set her back on the ground many times.

Speaking of cats, their presence in my mission is escalating. Yesterday morning when my companion started the engine, not one, but three of them ran out from under our car. 

A kitten that was yelling at me near our apartment.

In addition to being full of cats, that day was also full of meetings. We had our weekly mission devotional over zoom, a mission skills class, and district counsel, which meant that we had to drive to El Centro (only a 20 minute drive, but the time and miles add up when you're going there and back almost every other day). All this took a big chunk out of our day, and by early evening I was feeling bad that the only work we'd managed to do was pay an inactive family a casual visit. I was also really letting the adversary get to me with the idea that I was bad at starting conversations. Elder McLean and I began walking up to a new set of apartments for another visit, and just as I was letting all this bog me down, we passed by a guy carrying a bunch of fishing poles out to his truck. I looked at those fishing poles like I would an oasis after wandering in the desert for 40 years. "It's...it's...something to talk about!" I struck up a conversation even as he passed by, and we transitioned to the topic of belief in God. He told us some crazy stories and revealed that he actually owns a Book of Mormon. We're planning on visiting him this weekend. Afterward we went to visit a woman we'd met once before, but never seemed to be home thereafter. We caught her just as she was heading out for the night. She literally opened the door right as we were about to knock, and we just about gave her a heart attack. At least we were memorable! Once she got out of fight or flight, we got to schedule a return visit. Two tender mercies, just as I worried the day was a waste.

Consistently enjoying my time here and having a brightness of hope has been a struggle for me, but the importance of the atonement and the goodness of God have been apparent. I hope you all can see the constant presence of tender mercies and the ways in which the atonement is relevant in your day to day life.

God be with you,

Elder Tolman