Chapter 51: Wind-induced Comedy

WELL, this week has already gone mad. Hectic busyness all around! I’m once again writing much later than I had hoped, but I’ve got about 45 minutes on the train (a meager sum of time for the overthinking mind), so, write I will! Here’s a recap of last week.

Since Elder Lee and I are assisting the communications coordinator at the GSD with reaching out to church employees, we decided—or rather consented to—introduce ourselves to the whole department via video. No pressure, right? But, better than people constantly being like, “Who is this guy?” whenever we message someone. Filming it was hysterical, and people responded to it well!

On Thursday the two of us had the opportunity to put together and publish the week’s announcements and articles independently. Training wheels off! It’s definitely encouraging to have confirmation that we can confidently take over in that area by ourselves. Shows that we can take more responsibilities on and thus further lighten the load of the team we’re serving.

That day, for our weekly missionary devotional, Elder Stafford, one of our technical support missionaries, was leading the meeting, which had the assigned topic “Finding Joy in Missionary Service” (or somethin’ to that effect). His message focused on the likely accurate speculation that Christ found and expressed joy in all he did. The idea He went about His perfect life with rigid posture and stoic mannerisms is quite the assumption. Rather, it seems in line with His character that He would be approachable, relatable, and a joy to be around. Naturally, a clip from The Chosen served well to illustrate this. Thus, a part of following the example of Jesus Christ is to rejoice in good—an attitude with no small precedent in the scriptures—and even to embrace the lighthearted side of life, so long as you are grounded in truth.

This message was actually the concluding note of the presentation. The bulk of the time was spent watching a montage of funny videos from our missionaries that Elder Stanford compiled. We had everything from proselytizing shenanigans to a GSD Missionary “Among Us” sketch. At the end, we all voted on our favorite submission, and the winner, unsurprisingly, was a Rick Roll that was sprung on us during the devotional, featuring Elder Neville, one of our senior missionaries, who performed “Neville Gonna Give You Up”. Tangentially on that note, someone made a fake, but high quality “Elder Astley” missionary name tag some time ago, and it resides within the West Office Building.

We held mission leadership council for our half of the zone that evening, and there’s always so much to cover and not enough time to cover it. Beyond the usual matters like figuring out how to make service missionary companionship study work well, we’re figuring out how best to brief incoming service missionaries on the craziness that is their calling, and how best to introduce our new goal setting program to them. Speaking of incoming missionaries, we’re getting a new sister in our district soon! And on a similar note, we got a new district leader in Elder Galata! Last month we lost our STL to an assignment transfer and one of our district leaders to the end of his mission, so Elder Unsworth and I have been running the show lately as district leader and zone leader, respectively. I’m glad to have the extra support so missionaries can be ministered to more individually.

After MLC we went straight into district council, and our discussions lately have just been so good! Elder Jager, Elder Galata, and I had an awesome conversation in companionship study the day before, and it totally resurfaced in district council (we raised our hands a lot XD). Also, I made a bunch of peanut butter bars (my kryptonite) for afterward, and only about half of them were eaten, so I was left to afflict my family with the remainder.

(I have just been informed that the train I’m on will be “going dark”, so it looks like I’m walking the last few blocks :P. I will attempt to not crash into anything as I write & stroll, and also smile at people. Multitasking activate!)

Speaking of affliction, I got a deathly plague leading up to the weekend, and was passed out / shivering in bed for most of Friday after some busy prior days. The need for rest eventually triumphed, I guess. Still, I got to join the teaching Elders for a few key visits that evening, so that’s something—if anyone would answer, that is. *angry eyebrows*

Aaand I've arrived at my destination. I shall find time at some point today to finish this at my desk.

(Just kidding, this is Elder Tolman from 9:30 PM! I wrote a bit at my desk and then got longwinded and busy, so NOW I’m finishing and proofreading. Anyways, carry on.)

As those living in the valley are aware, it was insanely windy last Saturday, and an unexpected comedic blessing that day was my assignment to east foyer reception in the temple. That 35 minutes felt like a slapstick sketch. I got to reverently watch the following items of entertainment:

• The groundskeepers were out removing leaves in front of the temple, but the leaves were taking flight and evading capture. Through the window the two of them could be seen chasing the leaves around with a dustpan and leaf blower.
  
• The pressure difference between inside and outside meant that whenever someone entered through the outer doors, the inner doors would dramatically fly open with the same flare as Dumbledore bursting into the Great Hall in all his glory. Imagine that same scene looping over and over again for half an hour. It was like angels were holding the doors open for patrons XD. Though it'd have to be a particularly discourteous set of angels, because the first time it happened, the sister assigned to the vestibule had to ninja dodge the doors as they flew toward her. The ninja dodge is an exaggeration, but I'm including it anyway. 
• We locked one of the two entrances on the east side of the temple and put a sign there saying to use the other doors. This was to prevent a cross-breeze from holding the doors open, and it led to several patrons having to divert course. One episode in particular still baffles me. A couple was headed straight for the unlocked doors when the husband suddenly split off from his wife to cross the front of the temple and make for the locked doors. He went out of my view, but presumably discovered that that side was locked. After a longer wait that I expected, I saw him cross back over to the unlocked doors where his wife had entered, and after stepping inside, rather than proceeding to the recommend desk, he beckoned for his confused wife to join him, and they went back outside and around to the locked entrance again. I glanced through the vestibule and got a glimpse of him standing in front of the doors, presumably trying them. After another slightly drawn out wait, the two of them came back around and entered through the unlocked doors. His expression was blank, perhaps a bit resigned. There's almost certainly a key detail I'm missing here, but it's so funny to imagine he was just determined to specifically use that entrance. Maybe the Spirit's particularly strong on that side.

Hang on, the title of this chapter can totally be compressed into "WINDuced Comedy". This is most excellent.

Anyways, I was away from the foyers for the rest of that temple shift, but when I saw the outside again as I headed out for the day, I discovered that it had suddenly turned into a winter wonderland. Pretty jarring, I gotta say.

That’s all the events from the week I have. Now to convey a HUGE topic. Of late, I've been clumsily wrestling a topic many members of the church have a run-in with at some point, to varying degrees of turbulence. The battle of coming to understand Moroni's promise at the end of the Book of Mormon.

"And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost. And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things." (Moroni 10:4-5)

The latter-day context of how these verses are used is crucial in any discussion about them. In particular, they are the concluding note in missionary lessons on the restoration, and they are often brought up as a central source of personal testimony--the sincere request for a spiritual witness of truth. It is also noteworthy that this promise has many a time been shared along with personal experiences where the request was met with some manner of spiritual experience, whether a distinctive comforting warmth, a still small voice, a sudden recollection of confirmations already received, or perhaps a firm realization of the truth.

So, whether it is formulated simply or with a great deal of logical craftsmanship, a good portion of us ask the question, "Wait, I read the Book of Mormon cover to cover and prayed, but nothing happened, big or small. What does that mean?" Beyond that, we may ask, "I continue to search, ponder, and pray about this, and I have for some time, yet I cannot in good faith say I have felt a specific communication from the Spirit that answers my questions."

Any who wonder about this and search the words of the prophets, or simply discuss this with those around them, will likely discover a plethora of answers. Here are a bunch you've probably heard:

• “You need to be more diligent than expecting an answer the first time you ask. Continue to read, continue to ask, and if you keep that up with patience, it will eventually come.”
• “Most spiritual experiences unfold gradually or are only realized in retrospect. Just because you don't get an immediately discernible answer does not mean the Spirit isn't communicating with you. There's a great talk by Elder Bednar, you should listen to it!”
• “Stop worrying so much and just move forward. If you overanalyze, it will be impossible for you to discern anything.  There's a great talk by Elder Bednar, you should listen to it!”
• “Well maybe you weren't sincere enough when you asked, or you just don't have a strong enough desire.”
• “Did you word the question in your prayer the same way Moroni did?”
• “Rather than asking for the answer to be handed to you, you need to study it out yourself, come up with your own answer, and then take it to the Lord and ask if it is right. Then He'll answer.”
• “Feelings from the Spirit are not all that different from everyday emotions, so long as they lead you to do good. Therefore, if you've ever felt positive emotion while reading the Book of Mormon, that was your confirmation that it is true.”
• “You're probably already getting your answer but you're failing to recognize it. Just look harder.”
• “How dare you expect a spiritual experience! You're just seeking a sign from God because you lack faith.”
• “You don't need confirmation. It's obvious that all of this is true.”

Now, I didn't phrase all of these answers favorably, but many of them really are helpful in resolving a concern like this. The lifeblood of the gospel, in addition to the Savior's central role, is finding out how it interacts with your life such that you know how to lean upon it. Many are able to do that with the insights above.

However, for others, each of these answers expands into a web of intricacy with too many threads that just don't connect, or the answers otherwise simply yield no experiential difference. When this is the case, one is left to just hold on and do their best (a trademark of mortal life). Those on this course may feel spiritually broken at times, cut off from God, barely and rarely seeing the healing and love they are repeatedly promised, and wondering whether the spiritual medications they are handed are nothing more than placebos.

I recently came across two apostolic replies to these troubled thoughts in the same study session.

"I don’t know why the answers to our prayers are delayed at times. . .But, my dear friends, one thing I do know: the process of communication between mortals and heaven is not broken. It is real. It is available to you and me!" (Elder Dieter F Uchtdorf, "Can You Hear the Music?" BYU Speech)

"I don’t pretend to know why faith to believe comes easier for some than for others. I’m just so grateful to know that the answers are always there, and if we seek them—really seek with real intent and with full purpose of a prayerful heart—we will eventually find the answers to our questions as we continue on the gospel path." (Elder M Russell Ballard "To Whom Shall We Go" October 2016 General Conference)

Distance from God is a very real experience and we can’t necessarily find a definitive cause for it each time it appears. I think it is more comforting to hear this acknowledged than it is to hear yet another idea for a solution, especially when after the acknowledgement, the promise of relief is nonetheless affirmed.

As with any other persistent misfortune in life, we demand to know, “Why me??” when the Heavens seem closed off. We blame others, blame ourselves, or blame the very conditions of our existence. Our highest concern is putting an end to the suffering. Yet in trials like this, the question asked of us is not necessarily, “Will you figure this problem out?” I believe that instead, the question is, “Will you endure this well?”

Every pain has a unique character, but the pain of chronic doubt is particularly cumbersome, the way it threatens us with a fear that we are suffering for nothing. Imagine if every difficult step you’re endeavoring to take is secretly a step in the wrong direction. It’s upsetting. It’s scary. What doesn’t occur to us at the height of this fear is that though the doubt may have a line of logic on its side, ultimately, it is just another thing to be endured.

There will always be unknowable possibilities to worry about in this life, but so long as you see the potential for truth in each of them, the choice of which to pursue remains yours. Doubt is like physical pain in that it is not always avoidable as you press forward, and though it tells you to turn back, you retain the option to keep going.

So, back to Moroni 10. What can I say about searching for the end of that promise?

Firstly, Moroni declares in no uncertain terms that the Spirit will manifest truth unto us, but he prescribes no time table for this. My guess is that doing so would frustrate God’s purposes. Do not dismiss the significance of the Lord’s timing.

Secondly, receiving an answer is contingent on faith in Jesus Christ. What constitutes sufficient faith? I don’t know. Why, then, do some come to believe in Jesus Christ because of an answer to their prayer? I also don’t know. But the principle I see here is that faith is more fundamental than receiving answers, though we are right to seek the latter.

Learning how to faithfully navigate a lack of answers from Heaven is just as important as learning how to recognize them. In the end, I may come to learn that those two processes were really the same thing all along.

God be with you,

Elder Tolman

Porch 1: Dramatic & harsh lighting from a porch lamp.
(The ring doorbell was quite deceased, so we had to take a moody, contemplative photo)

Porch 2: Dramatic & harsh lighting from these curious lights placed on the steps leading up to someone’s porch, shining directly into our eyes.